Monday, January 30, 2012

Love and everything it should be

Mother's Song
a Traditional Lullaby
My heart is like a fountain true
That flows and flows with love to you.
As chirps the lark unto the tree
So chirps my pretty babe to me.

There's not a rose where'er I seek,
As comely as my baby's cheek.
There's not a comb of honey-bee,
So full of sweets as babe to me.

There's not a star that shines on high,
Is brighter than my baby's eye.
There's not a boat upon the sea,
Can dance as baby does to me.

No silk was ever spun so fine
As is the hair of baby mine.
My baby smells more sweet to me
Than smells in spring the elder tree.

A little fish swims in the well,
So in my heart does baby dwell.
A little flower blows on the tree,
My baby is the flower to me.

The Queen has sceptre, crown and ball,
You are my sceptre, crown and all.
For all her robes of royal silk,
More fair your skin, as white as milk.

Ten thousand parks where deer do run,
Ten thousand roses in the sun,
Ten thousand pearls beneath the sea,
My babe more precious is to me.

Aria Noel

The past few weeks have been particularly trying. Another semester has reared it's ugly head and is showing no sign of remorse. Aria's confusing nights for either a rave or a game of "I can scream louder and higher pitched than you and make you feel like an intruder has just busted through our door to come steal me"... and my social life?? If my life was to be graphed on a chart, my social life line would look like a roller coaster plummeting to the Earth at 90mph with no sign of the next incline. My only interaction with the adult species has been at church (which was interrupted by my screaming child) and the GLORIOUS once a week lunch dates with my dear friend, Julie.

Now before I continue, let me get some things straight. My "social life" is not the be all and end all in my life. Let's not read too much into my rant and think, "Oh my! Her social life is so important to her and her poor child... waaa waa waa blahh blahh blaahh" If you already don't know, listen and listen good. I LOVE MY DAUGHTER. SHE IS MY INSPIRATION TO BE A BETTER HUMAN BEING. SHE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. 

I've had a few people tell me that I need to be careful of what I say (as if I am serious) when I joke about Aria being put into a local food donation box so that she can be shipped to another family.

Come on! Really?! Be more worried when I stop making those jokes.

Ok, moving on.

The other night, as I was snuggling and singing Aria to sleep, an overwhelming thought came into my mind. 

This love I feel for overwhelming as it may seem to me... is just a sliver of what our Heavenly Father feels for us. 

...and then I wept. 

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

God loves us so much that He gave us Jesus, who loved us so much that He laid down His life for us. 

That is a whole lot of love. I thought to myself, "I can't even begin to imagine what that feels like." And as I held Aria a little while longer, I thought to myself, "Yes, I can." We all have that one person that we love so much that words can't describe it. We can all begin there and we can all be grateful for that awesome love He has for us. That's love and everything it should be. 

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

"How do you wipe your butt" and other stupid things people say to me

Here is a list of stupid questions/remarks people have said to me. I know that people say there are no such things as stupid questions... for those people I'll sugar coat it and call them "inappropriate questions".

  • "How do you wipe your butt?" - I believe that this question really shows the cruelty and lack of empathy one has for human beings. The best part of the question has always been the sly smirk and giggle that follows. I am so happy you are thrilled with yourself to ask such a question. Kudos to you.  Maybe next time I should invite that person to watch so that they can sleep better at night because apparently the question is so imperative to their well being.   
  • "Your child is so beautiful!! You know all things considered..." :::staring at my arms:::
  • "You do really well for yourself, don't you? Good job! It's good to see you out." - Um... Thanks?! Did I not get the memo where I was supposed to stay in the tower and ring the bells? Oh.. my bad. (I got this one from a random cashier at Costco.)
  • "Is it contagious?"
  • "I'd date you but I'd be embarrassed. My friends wouldn't understand."- Trust me, sugar. If you aren't man enough to follow your heart and not your friends, I don't want you. 
  • ...and the list goes on.

Now, before I seem like a bitter soul, let me just say this... I am aware that most comments that drive me bonkers are people's way to either make themselves feel less awkward or they truly believe in their hearts that what they are saying is sweet and thoughtful... possibly having poor communicative skills. I have learned to deal with such ignorance my whole life and I plan on having to deal with it for the rest of my life. I know that Aria will most likely have to deal with it as well and that makes me sad.

I am hoping that bringing this to light, people may try harder to be aware of what comes out of their mouths. Everyone is different, yet we are all the same. We all feel. Let's treat each other with kindness and compassion. And I will make it a point to try not to be a smart ass when someone fails to remember their compassion.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Brownie batter anyone?

So, I made some changes to the last recipe I posted (Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Dip) and made a Brownie Batter Dip (I added 3 tablespoons of Hershey's dark cocoa powder to the recipe)... I imagine this is what heaven tastes like. Then I took it to the next level and baked it at 350 for 35 minutes. I feel guilty that this tastes so good and is healthy!! 

This diet thing isn't so bad. :) For dinner I had a Sweet Potato Tuna Melt... amazing and filling. 

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Don't laugh at me...or anyone else.

I stumbled upon this book today and I wished all kids were made to read this once a week. 

Kids can be mean. I do believe they are a product of their environment a.k.a parents. If parents would teach tolerance and empathy of differences, I bet there would be less bullying in our schools... and maybe I'm pushing it but maybe even less hate crimes. I am not saying this book would change the world but possibly the message would. 

Let me share a personal story with you.  

When I think of the word “school”, I automatically get this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. It feels as if I’m in the movie Alien and an alien is trying to erupt out of my stomach. Being born with a disability made me a constant target. I might as well have had a flashing neon sign over my head that said, “Pick on me. I love it!” The bullying in high school haunts me today. I can’t hear the word “dinosaur” without wanting to throw up. My heart breaks when I see the news and hear about a bullied teen taking their life… but I get it. I’ve been in those shoes and it hurts.  

Bullies in Valley View High School gave me a nasty nickname that hurt deep down in my soul. T-rex. One minute word made a colossal impression on my life. I dreaded when class would end because I knew it was time to walk the hall to the next class. I am certain that my anxiety would have been less if I was walking the “last mile”. Boys would literally hunt me in the halls as if they were in the movie Jurassic Park and I was the dangerous Tyrannosaurus rex. These young, piddling punks would pretend to have guns. They would pop out behind lockers and shoot. “Get the T-rex before she eats us!” They then would scatter, laughing and taking a little bit of my soul with them.

I learned to cope by eating my feelings. I’d go home and eat the fattiest food I could get my hands on. If it was fried and a carbohydrate, it was consumed. When I went to college, I thought it would be over. I thought those battles were over. One day, I overheard my dorm neighbor tell her friend that I looked like a T-rex trying to buckle my seat belt. (Earlier that week I rode in her car for the first time to pick up some groceries.) The anguish I felt while walking the halls of high school came flooding back. I felt like an already unstable dam had broken and consumed a small town within seconds. I was crushed.

           Bullying has been a big part of my life and I still battle myself and the past on a daily basis. I still get anxious when some young kid stares at me so intently that I want to offer him a tissue to wipe his drool. I’ll never be able to watch Jurassic Park, again. I even threw out some dinosaur pajamas that someone gave my daughter. The hurt is still there and probably won’t go away in this lifetime. It helps ease the pain to know I am not alone and that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and who made me to serve a purpose here on earth.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Diet: day 3

So, in my attempt to get in shape, I've found these two recipes online and discovered that they are not only healthy but delish!!! 

Cookie Dough Dip
  • 1 1/2 cups chickpeas (1 can, drained and rinsed)
  • Pinch of salt
  • 1/8 tsp baking soda
  • 2 tsp pure vanilla extract
  • 1/4 cup nut butter (I used PB)
  • 1/4 cup milk of choice 
  • Sweetener (see note below, for amount)
  • 1/3 cup dark chocolate chips
  • 1/3 cup oats 
Add all ingredients (except for chocolate chips) to a food processor, and blend until very smooth. Then mix in the chocolate chips.

All I have to say is, "!" Like eating raw cookie dough??? (Who in the heck doesn't?) This is an almost guilt free indulgence and tastes as if it were loaded with calories and fat. 

This morning I made a delicious smoothie for Aria and I. It was so filling and delicious! 
PB Banana, Apple, and Spinach Smoothie
  • 1 banana
  • 1/3 cup oats
  • 1 apple diced
  • 2 cups ice
  • 2 cups fresh spinach
Blend and enjoy!!


I was born with birth defects known as Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita (AMC) and Gastroschesis which one had nothing to do with the other (It was like lightening striking twice). AMC is a rare congenital disorder that causes multiple joint contractures and can include muscle weakness and fibrosis. It affects 1 out of every 30,000 live births. The disease derives its name from Greek; literally meaning 'curved or hooked joints'. The AMC mainly affects my upper extremities causing limited range in motion, muscle weakness, and some varying joint discomfort. Gastroschisis is another rare congenital disorder in which a defect is present in the wall of the abdomen. There is no membranous sac covering the organs and the intestines therefore allowing the bowels to spill into the outside of the body. Thankfully, with many prayers and being hospitalized for a month, I was cleared to go home. 

Though my physical setbacks made life a little more difficult, my determination and desire pushed me. In school they tried putting me in Special Education classes even with my IQ testing above average. My family fought for me to attend “normal” classes with the “normal” kids and won. Sadly enough this was not my first nor would it be my last battle with being treated like everyone else. As I got older the obstacles that I faced were plenty. The bullying in Middle and High School were appalling. The name that haunted me through those halls were “T-rex”. Boys literally hunted me in the halls. They would pretend to have guns and pop out behind lockers then shoot and run away laughing. I'm twenty-six years old now and it still hurts.

In 2003, I ventured out into the "real world" and attended Mansfield University. I won’t pain you with the gruesome details but let’s just say, I failed my first attempt at being a college student. Between the new found freedoms, poor time management, lack of motivation, and the literal hill I had to climb every morning to even set foot into a class equated in failure. I went onto getting a few back-breaking minimum wage jobs and struggled with both the physical and financial aspects of it all. 

Fast forward to today and with my new role of Motherhood/Role Model, I have a new found desire in life; a second chance at life. I don't plan on wasting it!! 

My intentions- I am starting this blog so that someone can learn from my experiences as a disabled single mother who's had some hardships, miracles, and many lessons... hopefully I may get a few good laughs

Facts about me- I just finished my 1st semester back in college and in 2 days I'll be starting on my second. I've also just started a diet/exercise plan 3 days ago and I'll be posting a few worth while ideas. My daughter is the sweetest thing since honeycombs. I know she gets that from me. ;o) My passions in life are as follows... Jesus Christ, Aria, singing, and making people laugh.