Tuesday, September 4, 2012

But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD!

Joshua 24:15 "But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."

As Aria gets older and uses her words more effectively, I realize just how important Joshua 24:15 is. I WILL serve the Lord. I WILL do my best to raise Aria to serve the Lord. 

Lately, I've been in search of employment in order to find a decent home for Aria and I... a home that Aria deserves... a home where we'll be safe and comfortable so we CAN serve the Lord. 

I'll be honest, it's been exhausting. I feel there is an angry clock running behind us. We have only until Nov to figure something out. To date, I have 17 job applications out there and have contacted triple that amount of apartments. Most apartments want your yearly income to be $17,000... I'm at half. I’ve applied to a local affordable housing complex and they turned us down because we didn’t make enough. They told us if we were able to have someone say they pay us (but not really) a certain amount of money a month then we could meet the income requirements. It felt a bit dishonest. Why is it that I wasn't surprised??? There are too many people that are taking advantage of the "system" and it makes it hard for those who legit need a boost. 

Listen... I am NOT looking to be spoon fed. I just need a boost. I am willing to work. However, if SSDI deems me disabled and unable to work, why do I have to work to stay afloat? Now.. please don't hear me wrong. I love to work. I especially love it when I get to work with people. I'd much rather work to earn my living. Society makes it difficult for me to work. I can be slow sometimes... I once was fired from a job because I couldn't "push three wheelchairs at a time to make the transferring process faster". So, if SSDI deems me "unable to work","affordable" housing should actually be affordable and accept me...?? One would think.

I know of someone who has lived in affordable housing with an under the table job and a boyfriend who makes $20 an hour but because she claims she's single and hides his boots when there are house checks, she gets to take vacations to Disney every year and buy her kids Ipads. And when I see things like this, it really makes it hard for me to serve the Lord. My anger and frustration gets in the way of serving the Lord. My raw emotions get in the way of serving the Lord... and it's not fair. It's not fair to the Lord who gave/gives us so much. 

So, I need to step back... take a deep breath... and be thankful... be genuinely grateful for the blessings He has given me and I honestly can say I am. I've made quite a few ugly mistakes in my life. I've sinned something serious in my early 20's. I've been forgiven and He has always been with me even when I wasn't. He loves me and Aria and wants the best for us both. 

What does this all mean???!! 

I plan on working harder to serve the Lord even when life seems to get in the way. Every moment is a great moment to serve Him and I hope that you too will work with me in serving Him and not letting life get in the way.

On a lighter note: This is by far my favorite moment in life...