Monday, February 10, 2014

The proof is in the pudding

Social Security wants me to prove I am still disabled.

...I know.

Bear with me.

One of the many ways they do so is to send a mound of paperwork for you to fill out. The paperwork consists of questions that not only REMIND you that you are disabled (juuuust in case you forget) but get too personal and leaves you with no shred of privacy.


I am an ass.

Here is my response to the one question about my daily activities ("Please list in great detail what you do in a typical day, for example: I get up around 7a.m, take a shower, get dressed, make breakfast, etc" )

"I wake up around 7:30, try to pull down my pants with my dressing stick just in time not to pee myself. I then make breakfast for both me and my daughter and just about every time I either spill something or burn myself. I then shower the both of us and get dressed where I usually end up just about strangling myself with my bra because of the way I need to put it on via my dressing stick. I get my daughter ready and thank God that she's able to do most of it by herself now. I then go to work where I struggle with almost every task I am given. I hope to God my whole shift I don't have to use the bathroom because I sometimes get stuck for a long time fighting my pants. I then go home, make dinner where I, again, either spill something or burn myself... and then prepare myself for bed. "

Then they ask, "What are your hobbies and interests?"


I had to refrain from a few more smart ass remarks. One was enough.

I am tired of having to prove myself all the time. I have to prove that I am a functional disabled human being every.. single.. day. I then have to prove that I am fully capable to take care of Aria and myself. Then as soon as I prove myself it's time to prove that I am actually disabled. Where is the balance? Why can't society see who I am really? An independent disabled woman who struggles; a functional handicapped person. In my experience, you either get labeled fully capable or fully incapable. I either have to prove I am capable or not... and when one is proven the other isn't accepted.

I am both.

I am capable... and I am incapable.

If disability sees that I am not drooling and bedridden, they may take what I have already earned from working and have paid into SS. If they see me as "drooling and bedridden", they may deem me as unfit to parent. In the State of Pa, there are no laws protecting me as a parent. I am constantly having to prove myself worthy of many titles.. Mother, worker, handicapped....etc.

The only label I don't have to fight for is "daughter of the King". No matter what, I will always be His... and that sure makes the rest of my burdens a lot easier to deal with. I struggle sometimes. I fall often. He is ALWAYS with me and I ALWAYS feel His love... even when I may not feel it from the rest of the world.